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October 6, 2008

I’ve been wanting to write about Mabon since, well, since Mabon!  This is the hardest turning of the Wheel for me, the one that I feel might just roll over me.  Mabon is the Second Harvest, the second chance to gather that which has been planted.  And after Mabon, there is only Samhain, the Final Harvest, the time of honoring that which has passed away as well as preparing for the New Year, the time to set intentions for that which will be planted in the coming year.  I’d like to just breeze right through Mabon, cruise along straight to Samhain, but that isn’t how the Wheel turns for me.


In other parts of the country, Mabon is the start of Fall.  Leaves are changing colors and animals are scurrying around beginning preparations for Winter.  The air is cooler and beginning to be crisp.   This is a time of gathering, an opportunity to share the bounty with others who have no bounty of their own.  In the time of the Celts, Mabon was a time of sharing within the village.  Sometimes it feels as though I can see and hear them, those Celtic ancestors.  I can see them offering the grain to the Deities in hopes that all the crops would be safely gathered to be stored for Winter.  I can see them having a Thanksgiving feast, each family bringing what they could and offering it to the village.  I can feel the fear..what if there is not enough to last throughout the winter?  What if the plants are not healthy, the ground not ready when spring comes again?  What if this the Winter when Deity does not guard and protect? 

Mabon, being the Second Harvest, is the time that I am confronted by all that I have planted, and all that I intended to plant but just didn’t get around to doing.  (By planting, I mean creating in my life.  I’m the only “black thumbed” Witch that I know, but I can’t even sustain dandelions!)  Sometimes, during the hot summer days when it feels as if Mabon will never really come, it is easy for me to become lazy.  It is easy for me to say that there will be enough time tomorrow to finish the things that I have started.  It is easy to give in to spiritual lethargy.  Mabon, for me, is the season of reckoning.  I know that the life that I have, the situations that I find myself in are exactly those things that I have created for myself, either intentionally or because of having no intentions at all.  Those things that frustrate me, those things that break my heart, those things that make me feel small and afraid, those are all seeds that I have planted in this garden of my life.  Maybe some have been planted through my carelessness…I left the garden untended and unwanted things snuck in.  But still…whose job is it to guard the fertile soil of my heart and mind?  This is (for me) a Path of ultimate responsibility..I am solely responsible for the condition in which I find myself, I am solely responsible for my growth and development, I am solely responsible for my energy and the energy that I send into the Universe, energy which will come back to me three-fold.  If I’m not happy, it’s my job to fix it.  If I am afraid, it’s my job to walk through the fear and release it.  If I’m broke or sick or lonely, I created it in some way or another.  In other words, only I create the life that I have.  What a joy!  And what a sucky thing sometimes too.


The other thing about Mabon that kicks my ass is that I know time is running out, Samhain is just around the corner.  Whatever work I set out to do this year must be done by Oct. 31.  There are some things that I feel are never “completed”, lessons that it takes lifetimes to “master” and so those things don’t “count” when I am thinking of things that are undone for the year.  Self-control, integrity, forgiveness, compassion, unconditional love…those are on-going things, seeds I will always plant in my life.  But what about other “stuff”, intentions I set for this year, to-do lists that just aren’t done?  I feel sometimes like I am being chased by this unfulfilled potential, as if it is a living, breathing monster that will devour me if I cannot master it.  I want to ask for just a little more time, but the Wheel just keeps turning.  I’ve sent time at the altar recently (literally and figuratively) reviewing that magic that I’ve “cooked” this year.  What spells did not manifest?  Which ones DID manifest, but not exactly as I expected?  What spells did I never get set?  And what about things on the mundane level?  Did I accomplish all I set out to do in my professional life? Personal life?  As a parent?  And what about my students?  Did I teach them all I wanted them to learn this year?  Did I support without smothering, tend enough without enabling, guide enough while leaving room for personal experience and expression?  It’s hard to want to do so many things so well, and know that I fall short.  It’s hard for me in this season of Mabon to feel as though my best work is good enough.  It’s hard to know that I have failed at things that matter to me.  It’s hard to believe that I am less of a disappointment to the Momma than I am to myself.   But the Wheel keeps turning and I will try again next year.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. October 6, 2008 10:01 pm

    You are harder on your Self than anyone I know. “Fall short?” Sue Ann said something once that stuck with me: I Am perfect through my imperfections. So really, is it falling short at all? I think it all depends on your perspective.

    Examine the year, yes. Examine what you were able to accomplish and what you weren’t, yes. But when you do that with the energy of only seeing one side and not the other, and furthermore seeing the side you choose to spend more time on with the energy of disappointment and failure, you create an imbalance. It’s a perpetuating cycle. When you see them as failures, how can you learn from them and grow? In my experience, the more you send out that energy, it blocks you from growing through them and from them and eventually reaching those goals you set for yourself. And don’t forget to look at the other side of things, since Mabon is also about balance: When you look back on the year, include the amazing growth you have accomplished and the wonderful things you have done and were and are now. In this situation of re-examining the year as it comes to a close, how can you find balance for yourself as you review, through your review? Will you choose to honor what you were able to do as well as honoring what you weren’t?

    Sending you love…

  2. October 7, 2008 12:03 am

    I wrote the following in my BOS many years ago- for a slightly different situation, but it applies here, I think:

    “It is said that no one who likes sausage should ever watch it being made- it’s not an appetizing process. People are like sausages… when we look at a person, we don’t see all the disturbing things that shaped their souls. We don’t see the moments of shame and triumph, the instructional pains layered one upon the other since childhood that forged the soul we see. We see the finished sausage, and somehow imagine they were born that way.

    But when we look at ourselves, we don’t see the sausage; we see all the horrible things that went into it, never dreaming that the sausages around us contain equally unsavory bits of meat and filler. What a gift it would be, the Scottish poet Burns tells us, to see ourselves as others see us. Try it once if you can: Block out all the secret knowledge of self, and look only at what the world can see… a talented, valued member of society. Accept that judgment now and then.”

    I challenge you to do this… don’t compare yourself to some imagined, theoretical yardstick (which is probably the product of your inner Blue Meanie)… don’t consider things not done… look only at what you HAVE done… those you have helped… progress actually made… don’t judge yourself by your standards; judge yourself as you would judge a student… and you will see a remarkable woman.

  3. October 7, 2008 2:00 am

    You’re not the *only* black-thumbed witch! I can keep hardy plants alive, but most everything else dies from proximity to me. 🙂

    It’s nice to see updates from you, I’ve missed reading you.


  4. signmom permalink*
    October 11, 2008 5:12 pm

    Aerolin, I think that I see “failure” differently than you do. For me, failure simply means that I missed something. There was some aspect of the thing (situation, moment, spell, relationship, whatever) that I could not see from a place of Truth. I truly believe that Momma and Her magic never fail. So, if there was somethign that I was trying to accomplish or create that did not come to be, it is important to see where I saw it unclearly. Through that, I manage to grow my faith and my connection to Her, strengthen my own magic muscles, and learn more about Her Truth. Those things allow me to create more of what I want and less of the things that I don’t want.

    I agree that living in the energy of Mabon would be extremely imbalanced. Who could manage moving through the days, all of them in a row, seeing only those things that did not work? But, again, only for me, it is important to stay with this energy until Samhain. The balance that I work to create in this time is the balance between all of these opposite things within me, reconciling those things and seeing that they are cooperative parts of a whole rather than true opposites: things like male/female, mother/child, in a relationship/solitary, wise/foolish, yong/old…the list seems endless. I also know that this way of being in the energy is not healthy for everyone, nor is it producitve. I hear you saying that you love me too much to want me to be “beating up on” myself and my Self and all I can do is assure you that it is NOT the energy of what I am doing. I love you and am sending thousands of hugs.

    Joel, I always love to read the pieces of your BOS. (Hehehe…I just got a picture of my inner Blue Meanie.) There is something there for me about how I would judge a student, though I cannot find that yet. At Samhain, ya’ll will probably all want to boycott this blog as I celebrate in a big way the successes of this year that is passed and begin to dream big for the year to come. Until then, I feel this huge sense of needing to see clearly, needing to dig within, needing to reread this last year of living to find all of those places that need to be reworked, not because only mistakes are there but because I cannot learn or grow from them until I find them.

    THank you for your love, support and concern. I’m not stuck in yuck or bogged down or depressed by the things that I am finding.

    Tehlanna, what a relief!! I tease people that someday I’m going to be a bazillionaire and I’ll hire all of my favorite people to be my minions, all of whom will be paid $150,000 a week to do the bullshit jobs that I hate…things like laundry and dishes and grocery shopping and house cleaning and stuff. I’m adding gardener to the list!!

  5. October 11, 2008 8:20 pm

    You hear right 🙂 I’m glad to hear of the energy with which you’re doing this – internet communication and all that. I love you, too, and am sending hugs right back…

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