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Taking the Plunge?

February 22, 2011

Have you ever been at a public or semi-public pool on the first day that it opens for the season?  There is always someone, usually a woman, that approaches the pool as though there might be sharks hidden in the depths.  I can see her in my mind, a bit matronly, in a black one piece suit with the little skirt attached.  I can see her, bulging a bit in places that used to be flat and flat in places that used to be perky.  I can see her big straw hat because she’s wised up to the dangers posed by the Sun.  I can almost smell her sunblock.  I see her approaching the steps, that look of uncertainty on her face.  I know that she knows that the water is almost winter cold still.  Somewhere within her is the knowledge that sometimes it really is best to just head to the deep end and dive in.  But…still she hovers and tiptoes and sees the water as a near enemy.

That’s me…hovering and hesitant.  Dive right in because that does, after all, hurt a little less?  Not I…

I tiptoe to the edge of this place I created, this creative pool.  I gazed into it over the last few days and saw my Self reflected back to me.  I found wisdom in my own words and comfort in the words of others.

But I’ve been gone so long and some things that I wish had not changed seem to be lost to me forever while other things that I long to be done with are still the same.  And it seems impossible to “catch up” on everything that is now.

So I thought about creating a new blog, under a new name, and with a new theme.  I know of lots of bloggers that have done just that and all of their reasons for NEW make lots of sense to me.  But I feel like I always do that to myself, throw out the old, cover it up, leave it behind.  The words that I put here before are the foundation for the words that I want to put here now.  The things that I already learned are paving the way for the things that I am learning now.  And I know that so many are able to keep the best of “what was” while they create something brand new.  I, on the other hand, need to build my “what is and will be” right here on top of my “what was”.

So, I’m taking the plunge.  I’m just doing it one tiny keystroke at a time.

8 Comments leave one →
  1. February 22, 2011 5:42 pm

    Where the heck have you been? What have you been doing? You know, there were people who liked hearing your unique voice…

    You’re wise to keep this, your first blog. How can you know where you’re going, unless you know where you’ve been? My own blog now has 750 entries, and looking over them I get the oddest sense of how I’ve grown just in the last few years, and rereading the words makes you remember how it felt, and reawakens the sense of wonder.

    Besides, it’s a good way to mark milestones- like my 666th post

  2. signmom permalink*
    February 22, 2011 6:41 pm

    You’re here!!!……pause for happy dance…..

    Hmm….where HAVE I been??? Here but not, lost but not, hibernating, caving…..something like that.

    Not that you asked, but the Bird still has his place of honor on the altar. And when things suck the most, I cradle him in my hands and remember.

  3. February 23, 2011 12:38 am

    The next post sounds like you’ve been busy! I can understand why you’ve been way too occupied to blog.

    If the Bird has helped you through bad times, I am pleased, gratified, and honored. Perhaps that’s why She told me to send him- I never knew why She ordered it; I only knew better than to disobey.

    • signmom permalink*
      March 7, 2011 8:47 pm

      I know it must sound so silly to say, but you are that teacher in my head that I “hear” nearly everyday. Your words come back to me at the oddest times and your absolute conviction that I am truly Hers carries me on those days when I feel so lost…

  4. February 24, 2011 6:32 am

    “You know, there were people who liked hearing your unique voice…”

    I couldn’t agree more, Joel 🙂

    Hearing your voice every day – whether it’s your adorable-barely-verbal-first-thing-in-the-morning voice or during a quick phone call check-in as I’m walking through my day – is something for which I am beyond grateful and am honored to experience. Reading your voice here is something I have missed. I celebrate your plunge with you and am cheering you on all the way 🙂

    • signmom permalink*
      March 7, 2011 8:52 pm

      Thank you! I will do my best to navigate your privacy and my need to speak with utmost thoughtfullness to you and our very precious family….

      Sure is scary though!

  5. Grace permalink
    February 28, 2011 3:04 pm

    Hello 🙂 I’m so happy you are writing here again.

    I’m another of those that have begun new blogs during new phases or after transitions or whatever. And I keep coming home. At one point, I hid all of my posts so that I could start fresh mentally. That helped. And over time, I’ve take a few of the older ones out and put them back up.
    Later I might take all of them out again but for now, it’s OK the way it is.

    I’m really looking forward to reading you…learning what you’ve been up to while in blog hiatus.

    Love to you ❤

    • signmom permalink*
      March 7, 2011 8:50 pm

      Sweet Grace….you are another that I often feel sort of brushing by, giving a hug….

      I really suck at friendships. I’m horrible at managing to convey just how profoundly changed I am when greatness like you and Joel and my Beloved and Jade brush against me. But truly, everyday…I thank Universe that you ARE….

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